Tricky Wondalund…

In such times, at the cross-roads of my life, I never thought that as an adult I would have to go through the raging soul-searching that I have been undertaking in the last two months. My confusion around what job I ought to be in, what type of life I wanted for myself, how I wished to be loved and cared for…at times, I felt really weak. At times, I felt – god, why can’t it all be simpler? And then, I see these children, who possess the agility, fortitude and impassive strength that I can’t even muster up. We often don’t give children enough credit, that even at their young age, can handle some serious scars. They are able to see what happens in the adult world, decompose it into their child-like existence and speak truths such as, “ Mummy and Daddy always fight.” Just like that. I know many other people who had to pay thousands of dollars in therapy just to come to that minute, simple conclusion.

Say it like how it is. I wish I was a child again. That my biggest worry would be whether I got my favorite soccer ball for Christmas. (Of course, if you were a destitute child, you would worry a lot more than that.) I AM humbled by how amazing these kids are. They are learning how to count today, through song. English is difficult for them but they smile, learn and sing, without grudge, without complaints. As adults, we could be slumped in a corner, down on prozac, unable to get out of bed, while these kids never let anything get them down, not even the flu.

Coloring time for the kids :)

All smiles...

Therefore, my biggest lesson from all this – is to embrace life with a tenacity that cannot be bought, sold or traded. That if one was a orphan child from Timor, that child would be fighting for a place at the dinner table, a chance to push the Enter key on the computer and hoping to learn how to sing Three Blind Mice with gusto. That if some stranger took your photo, it can make your day. That having clean water to drink is pretty darn good. I learn, through all this, underlies confidence. The confidence to be unapologetic about your background and just go on, in the best way possible. The idea of self-care is often marred in the fast modernity of our lives. We travel too much, we eat too fast and we love too quickly. And then, it’s all gone. And we never have the opportunity to ask, “What did I want?” The furthest we ever seem to get to is “Now I know what I don’t want!” True dat.

I speak with Nunci and Yuli, both teen girls who were abandoned by their families out of poverty. I ask them, “Are you happy here?” They smile and laugh, they say, “Yes. We have friends and we are very happy.” Both want to be teachers when they grow up. They are bright-eyed and earnest as they say this. Right now, they help with the younger kids, with feeding, care-taking and general discipline. I have great hopes for them. I may, even have great hopes for myself.

When people say to me, you got it good, I don’t disagree. I am unafraid to admit that I belong to a select group of people in this world that pretty much gets what I want. Either I work my ass of for it or I get it gratis. In any case, I don’t think there is any glass ceiling. Working with these children who have all the reasons to give up or fail, well… they don’t. They enjoy every moment of what they have, they don’t crave or ask for anything more than just a smile, a meal, some attention and your time to listen to them sing or talk. They ask for nothing and they trust implicitly. That is something that we all need to learn, or rather, we need to unlearn distrust and follow our hearts. Looking at them and how they interact with us the blocky adults, I see that one can choose how you wish to love and how you express that love. We can all choose.

we work we work!

Follow our hearts. That might come harder for some than others. But I can learn. We all can. 

Ciao! Yes with the toys!