Tricky Wondalund…

Interesting. I re-read The Prince recently, in part hoping to understand the politics and motivations of a Machiavellian mind. Nothing about the Machiavellian mind is ‘nice’. The Machiavellian is an absolute realist, an individual who understands that the end goal is power, political clout, self-preservation (at any or all costs) and is self-motivated to be practical, cruel as necessitated, unemotional about the realist choices made and driven by logic, objectives and personal self-glory.

In the corporate world, a world in which I play in most often, these traits are admired. Some slavishly attempt their best to employ these strategies and portray these traits. A Machiavellian mind is brilliant, the individual is always able to see two steps ahead, this person is able to make the right connections with the people that matter (the endless argument around who do you sleep with – the nobles or the people?), and discard or annihilate those that don’t matter. Machiavellians create a sense of fear in those that interact with them, leading to a fogged or begrudged sense of respect. An air of mystery protects the shiny exterior of a confident, self-possessed Machiavellian individual. Nobody can break the secret shield, the Machiavellian person keeps it all in, they are silent, quiet and any information shared will belie weakness. Trust no one, only those that need you more or if you pay for it. Really?

I am increasingly certain that I am a realist. That practicality has its place in our lives, if not anything, it makes decision-making faster and more effective. Business school is full of ‘Ts’, in accordance to the Myers-Briggs test. This is no surprise. We do what we have to do to achieve certain goals. Millions of self-help books these days talk about increasing your effectiveness, that drive themes of “Me, Myself and I” as a penultimate goal. That control, having a self-vision is all important. It is almost as if the world is shouting to me that if you are not Machiavellian, how can you succeed?

Even more interestingly, even if I assumed I could be Machiavellian in a world that would love me more for making the harder choices and being the person that nobody else dares to be, how would one gel this persona with a personal, private and emotional being? That is certainly not possible, is it? Machiavellians are detestable! One might get “killed” especially if there is a political tussle between the both of you. That you might actually get discarded over their personal needs?

If the base motivation of a Machiavellian lover is self-love, self-preservation, and will always make decisions based on their own agenda, then there can be no such ideas of selfless love, of compromise (unless there is a trade-up involved), that you hold some intrinsic value to your partner, else there is no point in being saddled in a relationship. In fact, I will just honestly say that this is not love, not a relationship, but a partnership, much like a business.  Certainly, we can all throw the idea of THE ONE out the window. And as long as we are willing to admit that there is the world in which we live in, expectations can be pruned down accordingly. This is not saying that we cannot have expectations about relationships nor of our partners, but rather, these are adjusted to the realities that if timing permits and everything works out conveniently, then you have a partnership that works. It is almost like dating Dr. Manhattan…I reckon. In fact, I am almost certain. The Machiavellian individual may not ever understand free love, because his or her mind (although female Machiavellians are rare) is oriented to seek power and self-fulfillment of their personal goals. It is being with someone that will always be removed, far, internalized and frankly emotionally dangerous. I won’t say emotionally broken, because people are built differently. I am not saying that this doesn’t work, in fact, it might work amazingly, as long as you walk into such a situation with eyes wide open and be totally self-confident and well-adjusted. Again, I bring up the idea of a “full glass” – all by yourself J

A true Machiavellian mind can be read, understood and even loved for its intricacies. A Machiavellian heart can be loved and appreciated once one adjusts expectations and understands that a Machiavellian person is limited in his/ her ability to really love, but if they choose to be with you, they are pushing their personal limits to do so. And effort is everything, correct?? What is truly a joke is if it’s a confused individual who is still trying to play Mr. Nice Guy and not sure if he is truly Machiavellian. In general, it is probably best to just avoid all confused individuals, but in particular, the messed up Machiavellian! A messed up Machiavellian [and any other confused person] (to quote someone I spoke with recently) will end up projecting their issues on you. Like financial markets, volatility messes up predictions. Black swan events occur as a result. Give me a good, predictable Machiavellian anytime.

My thoughts: Stay away from the Machiavellian lover if you think love is all about being together, equality, carefree love, mutual dependence (or gasp! Dependence) and emotional connection. Be with a Machiavellian lover if your value set allows you to understand how inspite of their cold aloof nature, if you fit into their life puzzle, then you have a shot at it. Nobody ever admits it but Machiavellians are pretty sexy and emote the air of ungettable, so if you are into that, the Machiavellian presents a possible target market for you!

Do I think two Machiavellians can ever be together? Definitely not. It would be world chaos, and certainly, one would think involves a lot of violence and pot-throwing. Nothing about a true Machiavellian allows for another Prince/ Princess in the chicken coup. So, if you are a Machiavellian reading this post, understand that you have two choices in love: suck it up and learn to be with someone non-Machiavellian (which would take some adjustment, tears, and time) or go at it alone and pay for services as required.

Actually, there are books out there dissecting Machiavellian lovers, this blog post is nothing new. Some articles are funnier than others. But definitely a reflection of how much time I actually have on my hands to think about rubbish like that.