unbelievable that there’s only 1 more day of prep before exams come…and as quickly…go. it’s been a harrowing 3 days. the mood feels stiff - people just want to get it over and done with. after all, how much more torturous cold sandwiches can we stomach?

sitting in bed (finally…after a 15 hr study run)…watching csi and eating instant noodles…how bad is that?! how unhealthy is that?! its been 2 days of MA, POM and Finance…talk about a high.i definitely am a strong believer of exam fat. it’s not only the winter that gets you now. without a doubt, i have a almost sick passion for instant noodles, not that i don’t enjoy cooking proper meals but there is something super satisfying about the msg and salt content. it puts me on the edge much faster than coffee does. i have received 3 votes today to recook my awesome possum prawn paste chicken…so that is definitely on the menu for the next party.

on a last note before i leave off…i cant wait to move…my life is now somewhat messily stuck in 4 boxes and a crazy array of duffels. how did i get so much stuff? but it feels good to know that i will finally be getting some peace and quiet. the landlord’s kids thought it would be super funny to play games and throw things at my door this morning…no luck getting any sleep past 830am and when u have been pulling long nights, sleep is next to godliness. am totally willing to trade bathes now for sleep.

i defnitely feel like i have been divorced from the stress of exams. it’s stressful yes, but it really feels like this bubble where i am inside - somwhat bemused, somewhat grumpy that i need to work but the stress is kind of outside and away from me. of course, this lends to certain mishaps and surprises in exams but hey…if it’s a difficult paper then it’s a good thing right?

yesterday’s study group broke down into an excited chatter on more fun and highly meaningful topics on manga, thunder cats (who remembers that!?), mask, transformers and spiderman. At some point in time, we had to go for a beer run to sustain the conversation. matty gave a stimulating and extremely intellectual dissection on Akira. Even after watching Akira 6 times, i still don’t get the ending - what was with the explosions and the whole machine crumbling thing and Tetsuya going bonkers? I think because manga can be so abstract, when the Wachowski brothers wrote The Matrix, it was clear that all the themes and execution was borrowed from manga, which probably explains why there was strange and incoherent scenes that makes one go "huh…and what was the point of that?" - like the meeting with KFC Colonel Sanders aka The Architect or the whole deleted file having feelings bit. not exactly for the triple xxx audience. while it took me 3 viewings of each matrix to finally get the big picture, i think i became a bigger fan for it than not but u really need to have some manga background, otherwise, you would think it’s just a hollywood gig and then the story just feels like a ridiculous bout of latex suits.

i think we are all starved for television. i have not seen the same fervour with folks debating real option pricing. however, mention that you are an Alias vs 24 fan - man…i got stoned on that one. am i the only one that sees the brillance of alias? given that season 1 was rubbish - season 2 onwards has been a riot. and i am a jennifer gardner fan. but of course, i have lined up a million and one tv shows for the break. my intention is to sit there like rock and just watch everything that i have missed out on. life as a couch potatoe never looked this good.

the first half of exams came and went. there is a slight vibe of chaos felt amongst all the P2s. The papers have been quite innocuous and one could almost feel like they could get a 0.5 or a 3.5 on the Z curve. I definitely felt that way about my OB group assignment - less than stellar, but am praying (and somewhat sweating) that i won’t get a 0.5…

P2 champ party was ace. This time we had it at Shangri-la and it was definitely a better space to work with. THe vibe from P2 was distinctly different from P1. Folks were  a lot of comfortable and excited - there was a definitive market demand for stripping in the air. We gave out a whole bunch of awards, with some stellar individuals cornering more than 1 award. It’s good to know that no matter what you do and who you are - someone is ALWAYS watching And all of this gets encapsulated onto a T-shirt slogan and people remember you for life.

finance calls…oh my god. if there was only an option for me to jump off a bridge right now, i would. 3 more days and its basically over. good luck and good health.

nick called yesterday and we had a good chat about photography. anything to alleviate the stress of making today’s marketing exam. i got some good feedback on my shots and it’s good to know that i have the ‘personal touch’ on my photos - which i think in photography speak means ‘pop’, ‘amateur’ or like ‘cute’ or something. it’s almost like saying a girl is ‘cute’ which means she isn’t gorgeous enough to be called hot but isn’t ugly enough to be deemed a dog.

anyhoos, nick has been getting increasing opportunities to do fashion photography…what i would give to do model pics!!! when asked what sort of gigs i have been getting…i paused and told him," well, this guy was so excited by my photos that he asked me to take a photo of him…sitting on a toilet bowl with his pants down." not quite fashion photography yet…but erh…i guess my talents are being recognized??!! ahhh, nice to know that my friends are getting ahead and i am stuck here - admiring butties. could be worse. i see the willingness to pay for my butty shot talents is high. at least i AM GOOD for something! boo-ya.

right, so i stayed up till 2am last night…not to study but to buy stuff online. sad you say…i think not! it was all part of my devious plan to get some springwear without having to move my butt. and then…i get an email that says "Your transaction was declined". My god, what does that mean?! I have no money in my bank account? My credit card company has decided that i am a bad customer?! worst…i have NO SPRING WARDROBE! f%^&*( (during movies, this is the part that goes blip, blip blip). the only thing i would regret about last night, other than trying to assess if I was really a UK size 6 or 8…was not being able to successfully purchase anything. fecks. talk about yield loss.

if people are feeling stressed on campus, i certainly don’t see it. folks are drinking beer out in the sun, chatting about how there is no time to study etc etc. maybe it’s just the folks i hang with i do, however, feel damn tired but it’s only to be expected after a gruelling but strangely, non-existent period. exam kick-off tomorow and that’s one down. 2 more days to champagne party and more good times. i finish up the E7 girls portraits on friday and have to plan my dj set list for the party. sweetness!

but good luck to whomever out there who is concerned about the exams. i have come to realize that my push for grades was tied purely to personal pride but since that is now dead and gone, and personal pride is somewhat an outdated concept…i have very little to worry about anymore.

too close for comfort and slightly strange about the timing of how the same conversations and sentiments are felt all around campus. it’s probably my eighth convo in the last 3 days on the topic of friendship and transcience at insead. while most people felt like they were constantly surrounded by groups of other people all chattering, the general sentiment was that most just passed for words and it was a real wonder if one could actually make life long friends here.

but there is no solution to this connudrum but to continually keep testing the waters and be blase about things. pondering too much about anything in this environment is a waste of energy and would necessarily result in restricting oneself to cynicism. and i think i have lived far too long in singapore and know this feeling far too intimately.

P3 is going to be interesting…our core section will have 22 girls - that is fantastic - almost 30% of the section! am totally looking forward to some new faces. the strain of P2 has produced some lows and very little highs, but i hope all that will change with the weather…and the new girls of course.

since my last landlord encounter, i have finally decided to move out to Mat and Hussein’s joint. just cos there is a grand piano (only slightly out of tune) where i can start writing tunes again…and Hussein promises free neck rubs. man, i love my new house mates…expect some good indie parties that will soon happen. the thought of packing revolts me…i have so much crap, it’s going to be quite an ugly sight.

my reading list for p2 break…william burroughs naked lunch and george orwell’s down and out in paris and london. as planned, this will take place somewhere in South of france, on a cheese farm last i heard…with a random group of folks from school. this should be an ace mixup…

oops, chris issak’s cover of "Only the lonely" just came up on shuffle mode - didn’t even know i had that. life is…still interesting.

feck. the weather is too damn good and it’s a beautiful day to listen to swing out sisters’ somewhere in the world . I love swing out sisters - must remind myself to slip it in for the next Vorspiel. i like uplifting tracks…but i do hate inspirational songs (ie. anything from like mariah carey, or beth midler) cos i am such a disbeliver of rah-rah-ism.

i am being absolutely useless trying to study POM. may take out to the lawn and try to read the rest of total quality management. am wondering what would happen if i try to apply TQM to my life processes - right now, the variance is totally random, out of control and would present ripe opportunity for total process engineering.

it wasn’t all good this morning. woke up at 7am to seize the opportunity to make lunch and dinner - my landlord is back for the easter break and as such, i haven’t had a chance to eat right. 20 min into cooking, i had to use the toilet and being too lazy to walk upstairs, i simply ran into the living room and attempted to use one of the bathrooms there….only to open the toilet door and find my landlord with his pants down and reading the morning paper. i mean…man…what a way to start the day! i can possibly stomach the singing children, my landlady who cooks 24-7, who lays out a full breakfast table THE NIGHT before, the rules on no stereo blasting and no use of the washing machine…but to see your landlord conducting his stately affairs is just the pits. note to self: must move the hell out, this is cutting too close for comfort.

i truly believe in my whacked out karma, but i don’t quite understand it. i mean, i think i am the only person that has to suffer rambucious, oversexed couples going at it in the next room (Hilton, westin just to name a few posh joints), my neighbour who snores sooo loudly that i can hear him through the ceiling, or having to deal with naked landlords…or having to be harressed by street vagrants….the list goes on. somewhere out there lives a greater meaning to why such things happen to me and not to others. i have yet to understand it all but soon…i think a clue (beyond the current list of strange clues i get) will bring clarity to my world. *wink*

it’s been a ridiculous week of work and having to make tough choices to sit out in the sun and just do nothing. juxtaposed against the Italian-greek week where we had a couple of 400,000 euros valentino haute couture dresses shipped into school on display in our somewhat grubby bar area, some slave auctions of insead girls (dressed in bedsheets passing for togas) were going on in the name of charity. i can’t work, not when lying on the grass and do jack-all seems so much more fun. in between classes, a whole bunch of us are taking liberties by sitting in the sun for all of 17.5 minutes. i can’t believe how there are bees and i spotted my first ant today. hullo spring/ summer…

there’s been a scavenger hunt at school, culminating with bojana sacrificing her good self to score the team an extra 20 points by flashing her naked butt. as if that’s not enough, our class was going apeshit doing dares today. once again, bojana made us proud by running out of the amphi and scrawling "Marry Me" on our amphi windows with her bloodred lipstick - in reverse too, might i add. i got to call our MA lecturer Bob instead of Steve - he looked somewhat bemused, but he is a total Bob to me, although…Newman would be another strong contender for Bob. Ben stole the show by raising his hand and spouting his comment in cantonese, which left the whole class clutching our stomachs and of course, i dont think our marketing lecturer wasn’t super pysched about being pissed about with. childish regression is in the air. but that’s all in line with spring. so that’s just fine.

sat in a talk with the CEO of valentino today and i must add he must have mentioned the word Fat like 30 times during the presentation. everything from the models for the Valentino campaign being "too fat" and having big hips…to Salma Hayek having to go through a big photoshop job because she "REALLY isn’t so thin. she is quite fat"…i almost felt guilty sitting there and i leaned over to Anne-douce and said, "i think we are screwed. he must be looking at this whole amphi and seeing a field of cows." it’s so tough being in fashion. i remember being a freelance writer at Cleo and other teen mags a couple of years back and it was really neurotic hanging around the creative and writing crew. just having to talk about trends, fashion and what’s in and then pretending that i actually liked salads was probably one of the toughest things i had to do. ever. trend-spotting is tough. and i think classy marketeers have a knack…it’s about having a sense of coolness that can translate into commercialism. i may love fashion but i think i can only relate to certain fashion looks and can probably pick the nicest one out of 5 things on display - which will make me a choice candidate as a purchaser but perhaps not a trend visionnaire.

all this fashion exposure in one day - now i really feel like shopping. after all, spring fashion demands wedge heels, possibly a 50’s look, maybe 70’s retro would be fun too. but that would mean i need to paint my toenails and who has time for that?! lots to ponder about.

in line with the immense tiredness and general brain displacement i feel these days, i had a sudden panic attack…because i didn’t know what shoes i had on for the day. a quick look under the bib table told me that i was in fact 1) wearing shoes (whew!) 2) they matched my clothes. amazing what really affects one during times of stress. one looks towards the smallest things for strength and confirmation of something that belong to a higher order. some think of religion, i think of shoes - ah well…

there have already been several strange "alien" moments. u know, that when aliens come, take a part of your brain and leave you with some permenant mem loss. evidence of alien invasion - finding my socks in the fridge, lost clothes and having a strange feeling that i am missing a couple of pairs of shoes (although, i haven’t quite counted them all, so it’s hard to tell).

in between doing a mental inventory run down of my worldly possessions, one of the old Mat’s songs "Here comes a regular" hits me. gosh, that song was back in 1985 - which made me like…erhm…7 yrs old. so, i am itching to listen to that track now. write later.

there comes a point in one’s life where one feels a sense of purpose. to that end, i have not felt that at all since coming back to school. i have become extremely short-term oriented and life has just been a series of seized opportunities. although, i cant even qualify if there were actually valid opportunities. (Example: So, u are going to LVM later…ok i have 2 hours to spare, will tag along. Or, summer internships in banking available, why don’t i just apply for one…or, hot shot entreprenuer coming to present…yeah sure WHY the HELL not go?!) am sure you get my drift. not that this is a particularly bad way to live life, just that it’s a tad confusing and has the ripple effect on all my friends and buddies. it’s almost impossible to make commitments now, almost impossible to settle on vacation dates and definitely impossible to plan when one’s bedtime is.

in fact, i think life these days is about 10 minute conversations. 10 mins of grateful conversation that helps pass the time or that serves for information exchange( in a fast and painless fashion). in any other universe, decent folks would balk and call this insincerity. i just call it insead lingo that lives in the random insead universe. the fact that perfectly random things happen in class (Prada shoes and vespa pictures popping up on slides accidently; dares and pop quizzes occur with people occasionally shouting out their inner thoughts - which by the way, ought to have remained as inner thoughts) just doesn’t surprise me. it’s all part of the insead environment. i just about had it with P2 and if someone mentions Value capture to me one more time, i am gonna sock that mutha’s face, just for laughs.

it would be interesting to see how i get re-socialized back into society (hopefully not clockwork orange style) where one has to be less random, more structured and have conversations longer than 10 min. that might be really difficult, based on my short-term understanding of the world now.