it’s amazing how once you get used to doing something, it’s almost like a compulsion. So, i have noting down trivia and writing up my blog again. Just becos, i am sure this would serve as a good mental capture of how many emotional highs and lo-s i get in a day. so, when i tried to update my blog today and the fucking system wouldn’t let me in - man…that is what i call panic. the other things in life that make me panic are extremy hot models (both men and women)/ scarred artists and finance. *dont ask me why i am headed into an investment banking internship - i still have no clue*.

topic of the day: what are your stock options when it comes to your partner? would a swap be possible? can u apply the economic theory to a relationship? When the hell is the supply and demand curves for men and women on campus going to meet? While some predisposed that the men were basically an oligopolic unit and trying to conquer the market, i maintain that the supply of women is fairly elastic (and reusable) such that it is still a perfectly competitive market outlook. but that’s enough of business talk - its scary how one can totally abuse the use of business language in everyday living. it’s almost obscene, and frankly irritating. if any of my pals saw me now - i am sure i would get smacked on the face.

so, off to a more important topic of…SHOPPING. i am officially sick of my footwear. foot gear is extremely important - especially in France. there are several reasons why 1) dog poo is ubiquitous in this country - need good shoes to withstand any poo-contact calamaties 2) france is fashionable 3) i fucking love sneakers and miss my good ole’ skull n crossbones back in Singapore. For some crazy reason, i thought everyone in b-sch would be dressed in nice sharp suits - but i realize, not having any of my converse sneaks is really starting to give me a detrimental headache. So note to self: must purchase the pair of onisuka tiger hi-carts i have been eyeing. deal is, sneakers present a very difficult topic for girls. simply becos, girls sneaks suck in general - they are always pale in colour, shades of pink/ baby blue and are flat. the guys get it good here - hi-carts, mid-carts, sharp fronts, broad fronts…lo-cuts…damn…anyways, am only relegated to lo-cart shoes cos hi-carts are really only for chicks with long legs. suffering from a hi-cart shoe cut-off is a bad idea since the whole idea is to elongate these legs.

exams closing in and finance makes my armpits sweat - so does playing cards, the piano and whole host of other things. but one’s gotta do what one’s gotta do…so cheers…am totally waiting for an International Hugging Day - that would cause a riot on campus and I can already imagine the list of hot chicks in school being swamped by a whole host of burly, unweidy, scholarly crew of men. but hugging is great - cos it gives you a momentary release of emotional energy and makes you feel human and is a great way to check out the flab situation. but i am giving too much away here…peace out and for those of u in Singapore- get yer ass down to he Kings of Convenience concert! They rawk!

p

i am trying my darndest to piece together a coherant idea of what makes a relationship tick. Is love really enough…is there such thing as too much or too little love? Is it better if you were left in a less advantageous position of having to beg or haggle for affection? these thoughts have been at the top of my mind - amidst a highly distracting week.

i have quite a few pals who have successfuly managed mixed raced relationships - whats the magic there, other than extremely good looking offspring? its strange, and being in such an international environment, i ask myself these remarkably obvious questions everyday - but i can’t seem to find an answer for it.

even better, i am totally wondering, are we destined to find a person that is as into us as we are into them? would a relationship that has unequal amounts of affection survive? does it help if we are more into the other person than they are into us? would the self-belief that you geniunely loved a person more made you want to stay for longer?

i struggle and its so easy just to cover these questions up with a mind-boggling array of stuff to do - parties, dinner, shopping, studying, studying, studying…meeting new people. it all takes the pain away.

i dont have any answers and yet, i think i actually need to make a giant leap of faith towards deciding if my relationship is meant to work, or it’s meant to fail. this is a night for deliberation…

p

un-fuckin believable. KOC plays in Singapore - en finalement! I mean, how crappy is that?? The one time i am not in singapore, KOC plays. This is UNFAIR. and gin gets to do their video and images - go go! i am so proud of her. Wouldn’t mind offering up my first-born to Erland Oye. he is way too cool. Been listening to his rendition of Venus…it’s ace.

of all the unfair things that could happen, at least one fun things happened today. the grand piano at the cafe was open so i went to play it and learnt how to play Keane, five for fighting. next, am gonna attempt Tori amos. niak niak niak. what turned out to be a 5 min coffee break turned out to be two hours long. i had almost forgotten how nice it was to play music. but its pressurizing, when ppl come by, start singing along = i almost felt embarressed and couldnt keep it in. hahaha…

anywyas, tomorrow’s studying must be punctuated by another piano session. much to fun to resist. for everyone thats thinking about learning something new and was too embarressed to try = DO IT!!

p

whats a good wakeup track? currently - The Rake’s 22 Grand Job knocks my sox off. Perhaps, The Killer’s Jenny was a friend of mine.

been dying to go to collette and buy more CDs - there’s a lot of good soul stuff which is pretty cool. And loads of electronique sounds which i have really started digging.

one week to exams then a probable happy 5 days of vacation - where i can rest my mind and be by myself (away from the maddening crowd). the thing about being surrounded by amazingly intelligent and hyper people is that u find yrself talking twice as fast, thinking 3 times faster and every encounter by the watercooler, in the hallway and at the newspaper stand is overloaded with information. did i expect bsch to be so hi-energy? probably not, i thought i could come here and just get by and now i realize its impossible! one just feels the need to get involved. which is tiring, emotionally heart rending and the only downtime is when i am reading the Financial Times - which is written so technically that my eyelids start to fall.

had dinner had the one chinese restaurant yesterday with matty - ended up dissecting the pyschological makeup of common friends and the kind of relationships they had. phrase i am most proud of…"it’s totally possible for u to share your existence with someone but not live a life together". good right? i surprise myself sometimes with my lyrical wax. it was pretty intense and really a bloody waste of time - given our f-ed up exam schedules. but still, illuminating and of course, listening to Green Day’s new album was interesting. hard to imagine, they sound almost like The Killers. wat the hell is going on?!

hola to the world. another bright, cold winters day to hit the books. how could one not be happier? tah da da.

p

Since i started school, there has been a wave of job anxiety - folks that wish to get into all sorts of sophisticated job roles, do amazing tasks, spend their entire youth working their bones out. Chi chi terms such as i-banking, management consulting are pitted out and people wear their hearts on their sleeve, trying to figure out where they fit into the grand plan of moolah.

so i too decided to try it out and while harrowing, scary and not even knowing much about what an optimal capital structure is, much less how to do a corporate takeover, i applied to banking. which is weird, given how i am such a right-brain person. i more often than not, intuite my way through issues, rather than apply a mathetical equation to it. increasinly so, b-sch is teaching me to do that. increasingly so, i am starting to savour those moments where people let their hair down and just make really low-class jokes. i miss armpit humour and have been building up my own bubble of poor taste buddies just to pass time in an unstressful manner.

so. summer. london. banking job. suits. paid housing. would this even be a picture of myself that i could see in the mirror? i dont think so. far cry from days of playing in a band and bitching about how indierock just doesn’t get any better. but, will i get to overuse terms such as merger, acquisition, firm value, valuation strategy and capital structure? U bet.

ace out,

p

i have been shitass lazy. i did make a promise to update my blog and just to have a shout out to the sane world. where i am now - i feel insane, i feel displaced. some days, i want to throw in the towel, some days i want to go out dancing, and some days, i feel i am the dumbest person here.

insead has an amazing way of changing your perspective every 15min. just 1 conversation in the hallway has that effect. there have been times where i go, "why didn’t i think of that?" or, "yes, that’s what i want too." the only conclusion: it is clear that i don’t know what i want.

being here in foresty france has some upside. i have been listening to the good old stuff - it brings me back to a time where i was smart and knew exactly what i wanted. Morphine, velvet underground, 10,000 maniacs, american music club, the verve. along the way, i rediscovered lesser known songs that have been lying around but were grossly under appreciated. The notwist, bulletproof - Track 9 on Radiohead’s The Bends (fucking makes me want to cry and have sex at the same time - not many songs do that). i have been toying with making a playlist of best mind-blowing make-out songs and i have a couple of ideas on that : Anything from Bjork’s vespertine album, sigur ros, feist, nick drake, mark eitzel, sarah mclachlan, kings of convenience, cocteau twins, massive attack. its like a twisted mangle of loving, pain and raw aggression.

hookups are something of a rampant thing on campus. loads of gossip flying around and of course i am slow on the uptake…as usual. its funny to watch human behavior though. at parties…the wallflowers just come untethered and u just watch them samba/ lambada/gyrate across the floor. i stand in robotic salute to the forces of sensuality and sexuality all at once. don’t stop the force and keep it comin’!

valentines day came and went, more tests, more exams, more feelings of anxiety and inadequacies. only marvin gaye is going to make a difference now.

cheers,

p